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(Not) Trying to please everyone

There are plenty of reasons to please people around you, especially at work.  You want your boss to be happy with your work. You want classmates and colleagues to enjoy working with you. You want people you’ve met to like you and maybe become friends. And you want people around you to generally think you are a good person. But I propose the idea that you should NOT try to please everyone.

Trying to please everyone is natural. Because we’re rated that way at work. We get 360 feedback in our professional circles. And perhaps most importantly, because it feel good. Personally, I’m guilty of doing this exact same thing.

On the other hand, pleasing everyone takes a lot of time and energy. It requires extra emails and discussions. Necessitates lots of extra thinking. And most importantly, can make you more confused than ever about your original intentions and mission.

Here is one example that will explain quite clearly.

The Man, the Boy, and the Donkey

A MAN and his son were once going with their Donkey to market. As they were walking along by its side a countryman passed them and said: “You fools, what is a Donkey for but to ride upon?” 1

So the Man put the Boy on the Donkey and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.” 2

So the Man ordered his Boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn’t gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.” 3

Well, the Man didn’t know what to do, but at last he took his Boy up before him on the Donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The Man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said: “Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor Donkey of yours—you and your hulking son?” 4

The Man and Boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, till at last they cut down a pole, tied the Donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the Donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till they came to Market Bridge, when the Donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the Boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the Donkey fell over the bridge, and his fore-feet being tied together he was drowned. 5

“That will teach you,” said an old man who had followed them:

“PLEASE ALL, AND YOU WILL PLEASE NONE.”

 Don’t get my wrong, learning to please people can at times be an important skill. But at times, it can also be dehabilitating.

** Thanks to Michelle Millar for sending me this fable